Episode 1: Why the hell are you reading this?

Once upon a time, the internet was a vast, unsullied wonderland populated with magical creatures like dragons, unicorns, talking porpoises and courteous humans. The prophets of the time saw a shining future where like-minded intelligences could meet, stripped of all qualifiers of wealth, social status or education, to discuss and solve the Deep Problems of humanity, ending poverty, starvation, disease, warfare and lime green polyester suits once and for all. In the little more than a decade following this mythical golden age, human nature has systematically stripped the Internet of all such promise, leaving it a grim wasteland of pornography, scam sites and lolcats.

Within this squalid mire of degeneracy, one can hardly follow three different links without tripping over one sort of review or another, be they for video games, movies, music or whatever else happens to tickle the reviewer's fancy. In some cases, it's quite apparent that the reviewer's "fancy" hasn't been tickled in far too long, and the resulting outpouring of unwanted opinion can easily be summarized by the phrase "please love me".

I, however, have no such human frailties, and being the snappily-dressed stallion of a misanthrope that I am have decided to begin a review blog. "But Frostout," I hear you say, "how can you ever do such a thing without becoming the very thing you hate?"

Quite simply, you see: I already hate everything, and I may as well add myself to that list.

And so we come to the true purpose of this blog. You see, I Hate Your Stupid Planet, and I desperately want you to know it, and so I plan to do so by reviewing every fucking aspect of life on it with as much bitter vitriol as is safe outside of controlled laboratory conditions.